Why a mid-life crisis isn’t a bad thing

How many times have you heard the phrase ‘it’s just a mid-life crisis’?  In my experience it’s usually accompanied with an eye-roll, a snigger, or a pitiful shake of the head. It often describes the uncharacteristic actions of someone in mid-life.  Stereotypically the mid-life crisis is often depicted as hitting around a ‘big’ fortieth birthday.  In my mind it conjures up images of 40-something men with a shiny new Porsche, or a mistress, a new hobby, or some radical hairstyle or fashion change.  

Let’s break it down a bit.

What is a mid-life crisis?

What’s mid-life?

Mid-life is generally understood to be between the ages of 40-60 years old.

(I can’t help but think that it’s around these ages that the penny often drops – whether it’s through illness, or the loss of a friend or loved one – that we aren’t going to live forever).  There is definitely something about the words mid-life that can wake us up to the fact that we are probably at least half-way through.

What is a crisis?

Actually, the word crisis originates from the Greek word ‘krino’ – to separate, judge or decide.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-magazine-monitor-34154767

The Collins Dictionary gives these definitions –

‘A crucial stage or turning point in the course or something, especially in a sequence of events or disease.

‘An unstable period, especially one of trouble or danger in politics, economics etc’

I’m thinking of my mid-life and menopause years as fitting the definition of a mid-life crisis.  I am certainly taking time to reflect on life so far and to judge whether it’s heading in the right direction for me.  I am choosing to decide what matters to me and what doesn’t.  (Word geeks – ‘Decide’ originates from the Latin ‘decider, which is a combination of two words: ‘de’ meaning ‘off’ and ‘caedere’ meaning ‘cut’)

I feel as though this chapter is indeed a crucial stage or turning point in my life and I am welcoming the opportunity to consider how I want to approach the next chapter of my life.  I’m using all of the powerful skills, tools and techniques that I have as a therapist to help me to separate out and decide what I’m leaving behind and what I want to bring with me in to this next stage.  I’m embracing the idea that this is a choice point for me – an opportunity to change course, to upgrade, to rewrite old narratives, to let go of limiting beliefs and coping strategies that have helped me to survive but that will not help me to thrive.

To anyone in mid-life I encourage you to see this as an invitation to reflect on and review your life so far, and to decide how you want to be in this next stage.

For background/context

The term ‘mid-life crisis’ was coined by a psychoanalyst, Elliott Jacques, in 1965.  Jacques surveyed 300 (white, European, male) ‘geniuses’.  Interestingly he believed that the mid-life crisis was only experienced by males, and the women experienced menopause instead.

For a thought-provoking read on feminism, gender and mid-life crisis check this out:

https://www.cambridge.org/core/services/aop-cambridge-core/content/view/799BDF1A6AC508F006BF062AF7913F38/S0018246X17000309a.pdf/div-class-title-the-feminist-origins-of-the-midlife-crisis-div.pdf